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CatMan and Setto's Battles for Great Justice
Episode 4 and a Half
Having established his position as a helpful and trustworthy sidekick, CatMan had secured a place in the team. After a few weeks of training, and many meditation sessions, it was decided that one of the first adventures he should partake in was the aquisition of the T-Virus samples developed by the infamous Umbrella Inc Company. Of course the main issue in acquiring these samples would be the fact that Umbrella Inc is an entirely fictional organisation from the Resident Evil series of games and movies, and does in no way exist at all. This aside, CatMan and I set out on our mission. Our first task was discovering the location of Umbrella HQ, and this proved troublesome. After some discussion we agreed that it was probably located underground. As a remedy to this issue, CatMan carefully constructed a special detection device, that locates underground organisations who's names begin with the letter "U". The device was composed of several ingredients, some of which I have been asked to keep secret, however I can tell you that they include shoelaces, the last page of the Bible, the "start" button from a SNES control pad, and a photograph of Barney the Dinosaur. Now the readout display on this device is utterly indicipherable to most people, but CatMan had his special goggles on so he had no trouble. I have enclosed a photograph of the readout display as a reference for you:
As you can see, to many of us that is meaningless nonsense, but to Catman it's a detailed and graphic explanation of hidden underground locations. Now the next problem that we came across, after an hour or so of walking around in zig-zags and using the scanning device, was that there are in fact a suprising amount of underground structures inhabited by organizations that begin with the letter "U". This caused us great trouble and a few embarrasing situations, I assure you. The first structure we entered was concealed beneath an abandoned and derelict theme park. Now CatMan is weary of this type of place as it is, the reasons for this are to be discussed in another story, and so he was not at all pleased with the prospect of venturing underground of one. This aside, we pushed on and located the entrance to the secret structure. Please see enclosed picture:
Now this door was clearly not going to be moved through conventional methods, and so we had no choice other than to knock on it really hard and shout things like "If there's anyone in there could you please open the door?". This achieved nothing at all. After five or so minutes of trying this to no avail, I decided that there was nothing more I could do, and sat down on a patch of grass and had a smoke. (note for those not familier with CatMan: cannabis grows almost instantly in his footprints.) As I relaxed CatMan was busilly searching around the door for a weakness. After some time he came across a small, key-like device. I have enclosed a photo of said device:
Now it was clear that this had been left here with the intention that it would be found and used to gain entry to the door, and so CatMan had become suspicious of the door and whatever lay behind it. I suggested that perhapse it was a trap set for us by our cunning and fiendish enemy Skelator, but CatMan dismissed this idea, explaining that Skelator was on holiday in Tunisia. This reassured me, and we inserted the key carefully into the small hole in the door. The door slowly clicked and clunked, and CatMan (with some effort) pushed it open. A distinct aroma of pr0n washed over us as the door opened, which excited CatMan to the point where he disgarded reason and hurried inside. I was astounded by this lack of sense, and slowly followed him in, concerned for his well-being. I reached for the torch in my backpack, as the inside of this structure was not lit, but CatMan had forgotten to put batteries in it! I put my useless torch back in my bag and thought hard on the issue of a light-source. After a few seconds I remembered that I had my Super Night Vision Eyepatch! Of course! This is a spectacular device developed by CatMan and I that allows you to see in the dark, but only with one of your eyes. Needless to say it's still a lot better than zero visability. I have enclosed a picture of the eyepatch:
I attatched the eyepatch and looked around. Instantly I was gripped by a feeling of horror and sorrow at what I saw. I fell to my knees, jabbering incoherently, looking desperately around for CatMan, but he was nowhere to be seen. The smell of pr0n had now become unbearable, and coupled with the grotesque things I was seeing decorating the walls, it all caused me to become quite overwhelmed. I let out a shout of displeasure, and from far into the passages I heard CatMan scream out in pain...
TO BE CONTINUED WHEN I AM LESS STONED KTHNX
apologies for any spelling mistakes am no good with that
